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NOTICE: To contact the President about MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, CLICK HERE. For any and all other (unimportant) issues, read the instructions below CAREFULLY.

Dear Poorly Educated Voter,

Congrats on wanting to send your cute little opinion to WHITEHOUSE.ORG, where let’s be honest, nobody gives a fuck what you think, loser. And even if I did, my staff is jumping ship way too fast to waste MANpower reading bitchy emails from morons so piss-poor and unimportant, they have time to scribble their lousy brain farts on the internets. Anyway, I’ve really got America bent over a barrel now, and I’m so busy deep-dicking her tight little shitter like one of my creamy-assed porn sluts, I don’t listen to anyone — let alone some nobody sucker like you. But tell you what: if you ever bank a few billion, you can pay full price for a Mar-a-Lago membership and come whisper in my ear any time, OK?