Author: johnwooden

America-Only RELIGIOUS FREEDOM

America is all about freedom – to be a Christian. And freedom to shit on losers the Bible tells you to hate because they aren’t Jesus groupies like you!

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HUGE TRADE Deals

THE PRESIDENT: On the Trans-Pacific Partnership, I will do what I do with all “TP” – flush it! And tell all those trannie pacifists they’ll NEVER pee in the wrong bathroom at the TRUMP White House. #MAGA #PolicyByTweet: We need to go back to saying the words “BUY AMERICAN!” But doing it is too expensive, OK? Don’t worry: I know Russians who make AMAZING steel! #MAGA –...

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Making Our Military HUGE Again

THE PRESIDENT: Who needs healthcare, education, the arts, or diplomacy, when we can stuff all that money down the gullets of corporate military contractors, like when L’il Donnie makes homemade foie gras with the Mar-a-Lago geese? (That stuff is so classy and delicious, we’re gonna sell it as Trump® Toothpaste.) This is why my budget includes the biggest military buildup since Ronald Reagan brought the world to the brink of thermonuclear apocalypse. The Gipper knew how important it was that all the loser countries think America has the biggest, most swingingest dick on earth — which is why he spared NO...

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Stephen K. Bannon: President & CEO

Stephen K. Bannon is the acting Chief Executive of the United States of America. He believes that America has a Jesus-ordained role to trigger the inevitable apocalyptic war against disgusting, inferior dirt people, pinko (non-Breitbart) journalists, and anyone retarded enough to deny the existence of an invisible old white man who lives in the clouds and passes time judgmentally leering down at supple, naked teenagers doing the nasty. President Bannon was born in Norfolk Virginia in 1953 to a working class family of pro-union, Jack Kennedy-supporting Democrats. Luckily, God Almighty showed him the light, and divinely guided him to violently reject...

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