KING DONALD J. TRUMP

BOW & WORSHIP HIS MAGNIFICENT PRIAPIC TUMESCENCE, YOU WORTHLESS PISS-POOR LOSERS!

Sean Spicer Bravely Combats Scourge of Fake News

Trump® White House totally gets back at FAKE news @NYtimes ? by not letting them in room?when Sean Spicer avoids everyone else's questions! - @FantasticPOTUS ###

Executive Order Protecting The Nation From Foreign Terrorist Entry Into The United States

We will ban from entering America all swarthy persons from the world’s most dangerous hotbeds…

Abortion Rights WRONGS

THE PRESIDENT: I never really cared about abortion – beyond demanding receipts before cutting the reimbursement checks…

Urgent Appeal Re: Total Disaster Ryancare FAIL

The latest victim of Obamacare’s roving Death Panels? Speaker Paul Ryan’s career! He wasn’t man enough to pass the American Health Care Act. Pussy!

2017 Republican Loyalty Pledge

I do hereby pledge total loyalty to Donald J. Trump, exalted Savior of the dysfunctional Frankenstein non-coalition formerly known as “The Republican Party.”

America-Only IMMIGRATION

THE PRESIDENT: On immigration, we’re gonna get rid of immigration; we’re gonna have immiGREATion. It will be so great. I don’t know how yet, but believe me. There may be no fresh produce in your grocery store, but that’s a small price to pay for never having to press...

Executive Order On Alternative Science

Vaccines are FAKE MEDICINE. From now on, Measles will be called “Freedom Freckles.”

White House Counsels Kellyanne Conway on Hawking Ivanka Trump® Shoes on TV

“White House employees know they are to pimp only the full-price Trump merchandise,” Chief of Staff Reince Priebus reiterated in a statement to the press.

President Donald Trump’s Tax Returns

POTUS: Nosy crybabies want me to #ReleaseTheReturns? I’ve authorized my IRS to do it! Now #STFU and bend over for some tax cuts 4 the rich!

Executive Order On Gender Urination Stagefright

Believe me, so-called “Trans” people should feel lucky they’re not pissing in a bucket around the corner…