PREEMPTIVE PARDON of Donald Trump, Jr.

PREEMPTIVE PARDON of Donald Trump, Jr.Preemptive Pardon of Donald Trump Jr. FULL TEXT

DONALD J. TRUMP

GREATEST-EVER AND MOST-HUNGEST POTUS

HAS THIS DAY ISSUED UNTO

DONALD TRUMP, JR.

A PREEMPTIVE PARDON

PURSUANT TO AN EXECUTIVE DECLARATION OF 1500% INNOCENCE, MADE SUBJECT TO THE TOTAL WITCH HUNT WHICH NOW REALLY THREATENS TO TURN MY SUPER-TAN, CHIN-CHALLENGED MINI-ME INTO THE CUM DUMPSTER OF FEDERAL CELL BLOCK D. IN FURTHERANCE OF L’IL DONNIE’S SLOPPY FUCKUPS BRAGGING TO ME ABOUT HIS STUPID MEETINGS AND LEAVING A PAPER TRAIL ABOUT OLLUSION-CAY WITH THE USSIANS-RAY, WHICH IF ANYONE IS GUILTY FOR, IT’S HIS GOLD-DIGGER HAG MOTHER IVANA AND HER GARBAGE CZECHOSLOVAKIAN DNA THAT MADE HIM HALF RETARD. SAD! IN ACCORDANCE WITH THIS AUTHORITY I HAVE SIGNED MY HUGE, SPIKEY, SUPER-MACHO SIGNATURE WHICH I PRACTICE ON ARBY’S NAPKINS ALL DAY LONG, AND AFFIXED THE REALLY CLASSY, TOTALLY FANCY ROYAL CREST THAT I STOLE FROM SOME LOSER FAMILY IN SCOTLAND, AND AFFIRM THAT THIS ACTION IS THE ACT OF THE PRESIDENT, WHO CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS, OK? DONE AT THE CITY OF WASHINGTON, A TOTAL DUMP OVERFLOWING WITH THE BLACKS HIGH ON THE CRACKAMPHETAMINE, THIS 12th DAY OF JULY, 2017.

DONALD J. TRUMP

P.S. – Jared & Ivanka, too!

An America-Only JOBS & GROWTH Plan

THE PRESIDENT: To stimulate jobs, we must gut any and all regulations that stand in the way of profit at any cost. That's why for every new regulation, I will require that two be eliminated! Which ones? Pick out of a hat -- I don’t care. Details are for nosy Special...

Executive Order Regarding First Lady-Daughter’s Clothing Line

Executive Order #34567: Everybody in America has to wear IVANKA TRUMP® panties OR ELSE!

An America-Only ENERGY Plan

THE PRESIDENT: On energy, I will stop supporting sissy stuff like wind and solar and rainbows and all that liberal hippy-dippy spiral-dancer earth-lover bullshit, and go back to a future where huge, dick-like smokestacks belch out thick, beautiful GOLDEN clouds of...

USA-ONLY FOREIGN POLICY

THE PRESIDENT: For too long, America has been the world’s nice, rich uncle, handing out candy, winks and presents — but getting nothing in return except a couple fingers barely under the Underoos. No more! Starting now, America is the world’s cranky grandpa in the...

President Trump: National Security Savior

I told you, NOBODY knows more about national security than me, folks! So safe! #MAGA - @FantasticPOTUS

Proclamation: 5 Reasons Why Andrew Jackson Is The 2nd Greatest President Ever

THE PRESIDENT: People come in the Oval Office and ask me, why do you have a boring, old painting of this "Andrew Jackson" fuck? I get their point: It’s not even a Thomas Kinkade! I tell them: “For only one reason: President Bannon is now the Oval Office interior...

Secretary DeVos Incorporates All America’s Public Schools In Cayman Islands

Here we go, folks! Secretery Betsy DeVos will RAM change down stupid @USedgov’s throat to Make Educasion Great Again! #MEGA - @FantasticPOTUS ###

President’s Weekly Vacation Schedule

If it’s Monday, that means POTUS is back from his $3+Million vacation & ready to #MAGA – for a few days anyway…

President Donald Trump’s Tax Returns

POTUS: Nosy crybabies want me to #ReleaseTheReturns? I’ve authorized my IRS to do it! Now #STFU and bend over for some tax cuts 4 the rich!

People Are Saying: TRUMPCARE® ROCKS!

People Are Saying: TRUMPCARE® ROCKS! Darlene Johnson - Head Mop at the Porn Palace in Knoxville TN, shares her inspiring tale of overcoming stupid Obamacare's #FAKENEWS to arrive at a TRUMPCARE® MIRACLE!   ###