That So-Called “Race” Stuff

THE PRESIDENT: OK, since everyone is whining about it so much, today I want to recite for the record that the KKK and the alt-Right and the “Proud Boys” and all those other white power fellas, many of whom are very high quality people — I know; they work for me — and who give my rallies such fabulously high energy, are… “thugs.”

So there, I said it. Will that finally make all you Christ-killing reporters happy? Of course, not. Whatever. Like I care, anyways. My base knows that me calling them “thugs” is just a little inside joke. They think it’s hilarious I’m calling them a word that everyone knows is code for “urban negro.” Next time maybe I’ll call them “pickaninnies” or “Kanyes.” My peeps get me!

Look, after the Charlottesville “We Love Trump” rally, I was very careful to point out that hatred, like Megyn Kelly’s blood, comes “from many sides,” and I will never retract that. Because hating hate is still hate, so who’s to say which is worse? I mean, if Trump Supporter Person hates negroes and lynches them for sport, but Crooked Hillary Supporter Person hates lynching because, I don’t know, they worry about damaging trees, that’s hate on both sides — am I right? [PAUSE FOR APPLAUSE.]

Look, I only like people who like me, OK? The Blacks don’t like me. They like Osama and Hillary. But just because I don’t like the Blacks doesn’t mean I hate the Blacks! Some are very useful — like Omarosa and Dr. Ben Carson, who are so great at trolling all the those other annoying coloreds who DON’T worship me like the golden-haired, horse-dicked billionaire stud that I am.

So today I’m reading some “Presidential” words off a teleprompter through gritted teeth, then taking no questions afterwards, but it won’t change my Immigration policy, or the travel ban, or my plan to use these super-exciting race riots to make sure the prisons are back at 100% high-pigment occupancy.

Because yes, for the record, “racism is evil.” Like the old spiritual said, “Nobody knows the trouble the White Male has seen!”  I think we can all “amen” to that!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go demonize some turncoat darkie CEO on the Twatter…

Obamacare Horror Stories: Submit Yours!

Obamacare Horror Stories Submit Yours! THE PRESIDENT: Folks, it doesn't matter if Ryancare a.k.a. "The American Healthcare Act" went down in flames. Going forward - just out of spite - my entire strategy is to let Obamacare EXPLODE - no matter how many people end up...

Standing Up For LAW ENFORCEMENT

THE PRESIDENT: As all my addresses to Joint Sessions of Congress will make abundantly clear: America is, basically, a costume party. If you wear a uniform, you get worshipped -- no questions asked. You can riddle a black teenager, who's begging for mercy, with bullets...

That So-Called “Race” Stuff

My base thinks it’s hilarious I’m calling them “thugs” –a word that everyone knows is code for “horny urban negro.”

100% REAL Americans ❤️ POTUS!

Meet TEXAS CHUCK – totally authentic American person who love POTUS Donald Trump on the Twitter all day and all night! He real cowboy total USA man who have nothing to do with warehouse of computer puberteens in Moscow who make Facebook page for convince Red State slobs with no high school how much billionaire crook Donald Trump love them!

Executive Order Greenlighting HUGE Oil Pipelines

All whiny injuns will be bulldozed into their precious sacred rivers, just before they get deluged with…

KING DONALD J. TRUMP

Donald J. Trump: America’s most kick-ass President EVER! More famous than dirty hippy Jesus, he’s so fucking classy, he even shits in a SOLID GOLD TOILET. SO BOW & WORSHIP HIS MAGNIFICENT PRIAPIC TUMESCENCE, YOU WORTHLESS PISS-POOR LOSERS!

Swearing-In Statement: Attorney General Jeff Sessions

A dangerous CRIME WAVE of TERRORIST MEXICAN BLACK LIVES MATTER GEORGE SOROS PROTESTORS is sweeping AMERICA and NO ONE is safe! Don’t look at FBI statistics because they’re FAKE FACTS!

Executive Order Protecting The Nation From Foreign Terrorist Entry Into The United States

We will ban from entering America all swarthy persons from the world’s most dangerous hotbeds…

Evangelicals For Trump!

In the wake of mass resignations from President Trump's CEO, Infrastructure and Arts Councils, U.S. Secretary of Religious Freedom Pastor Deacon Fred explains why evangelical support for POTUS remains ROCK HARD.   ###  

President’s Paris Accord Withdrawal Statement

POTUS: My job is to make every asthmatic brat on earth gasp & wheeze & wish they’d never been born such pathetic rejects! #ParisAccord