Melania® Presents: The FLOTUS™ Collection

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TRUMP® VODKA: Archer Daniels Midland Industrial Ethanol Never Tasted SO FUCKING CLASSY! (Now in unbreakable plastic luxury!) Bankruptcy Liquidation now underway!

Introducing Melania® FLOTUS™ – “So good for ‘float us’ over dirty ground waters into penthouse with Evian waters!” ON SALE NOW! ? ? ?? ?

TRUMP® MODELS EXCLUSIVE OFFER: Planning a fabulous country club birthday party for your prodigal male puberteen? Then don't miss your chance to give him a night he'll never forget! Order the ultimate, super-classy boys' coming-of-age entertainment package. (Pole NOT...

Introducing MELANIA® - THE FINE ART COLLECTION. Only the finest, most classiestest, 100% authentic replicas of priceless artworks from Trump® Museum of Class™. Available Now!

Join Trump® Mar-a-Lago today to enjoy fabulous front-row seats at ALL weekend nuclear crises! Free hot & cold buffet included! Supplies limited!

Now available in fresh spring-grey: The ORIGINAL L'il Donnie Trump® "BIG BOY PANTS." They're just like daddy's! Take it from Little Donnie himself: Available Exclusively at all Trump®...

THE FIRST LADY-DAUGHTER: Hello America, Ivanka® Trump here. Some of you might wonder why my daddy wants me reviewing top-secret intelligence and joining heads-of-state meetings that even Mike Pence isn't allowed to attend. Well I'll tell you: it's because I'm so WISE....

Eric Trump Presents: Trump Winery®. Who knew that plain old Smuckers® jelly grapes could be stomped on by underpaid Mexicans and sold for $50/bottle? Prodigal son Eric did! All Trump® wines** are renowned among really classy people who totally like to party in a...

Introducing all-new, super-classy... TRUMP® MEALS ON WHEELS™ My food plan is just like my healthcare plan:...