THE PRESIDENT: My job is to make every asthmatic brat on earth gasp & wheeze & wish they’d never been born such pathetic rejects! #ParisAccord
America is all about freedom – to be a Christian. And freedom to shit on losers the Bible tells you to hate because they aren’t Jesus groupies like you!
We will ban from entering America all swarthy persons from the world’s most dangerous hotbeds…
“Obamacare” meant Obama himself was using his bare hand to give little
white girls pelvic exams…
Meet TEXAS CHUCK – totally authentic American person who love POTUS Donald Trump on the Twitter all day and all night! He real cowboy total USA man who have nothing to do with warehouse of computer puberteens in Moscow who make Facebook page for convince Red State slobs with no high school how much billionaire crook Donald Trump love them!
“I looking even more pretty when sit next ugly ‘Goatse Tree’ planted by frumpy lesbian Eleanor Roosevelt, no?”
THE PRESIDENT: [Inhales sharply.] OK, wait until you see how serious I deliver this. So serious. And. Very. Very. Presidential. Like, Sean Hannity will be totally creaming in his pinstripe slacks any second now, folks.
THE PRESIDENT: I never really cared about abortion – beyond demanding receipts before cutting the reimbursement checks…