President’s Paris Accord Withdrawal Statement

THE PRESIDENT: My job is to make every asthmatic brat on earth gasp & wheeze & wish they’d never been born such pathetic rejects!

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Executive Order On Gender Urination Stagefright

Believe me, so-called “Trans” people should feel lucky they’re not pissing in a bucket around the corner…

Melania® Presents: The White House Makeover

“I using high fashion design for redecorate White House so classy. Add puff of gold here, make quaint room for pouting there!”

Melania® Trump Presents: White House Easter Egg Roll 2017

“I looking even more pretty when sit next ugly ‘Goatse Tree’ planted by frumpy lesbian Eleanor Roosevelt, no?”

Executive Order On Alternative Science

Vaccines are FAKE MEDICINE. From now on, Measles will be called “Freedom Freckles.”

People Are Saying: NO RUSSIAN COLLUSION!

100% regular, all-American person “Andy from Arkansas” has wise words for stupid losers who think POTUS secretly loves glorious Mother Russia!

President Responds To Terror-Loving Airport Trespassers

Be SCARED, because at any moment you could be murdered at Carl’s Junior by a one-legged Syrian war orphan!

President On Mexico’s Refusal To Pay For Wall

THE PRESIDENT: So fed up with Mexico's stinginess! And I thought *Americans* were cheapasses about paying for stuff America needs! Sad! So I says to Mexico, "OK, you can buy the goddamn wall on layaway -- 3,900 easy installments! Or howza 'bout a reverse mortgage on...

Welcome FAREWELL Life-Long Trump Supporter Tony Scaramucci

POTUS welcomes bids fond farewell to carefully vetted, 1000% LOYAL Tony Scaramucci to WHITEHOUSE.ORG. So great to be have briefly been working with a life-long fan! ??? ###  

Sean Spicer Bravely Combats Scourge of Fake News

Trump® White House totally gets back at FAKE news @NYtimes ? by not letting them in room?when Sean Spicer avoids everyone else's questions! - @FantasticPOTUS ###

Evangelicals For Trump!

In the wake of mass resignations from President Trump's CEO, Infrastructure and Arts Councils, U.S. Secretary of Religious Freedom Pastor Deacon Fred explains why evangelical support for POTUS remains ROCK HARD.   ###