THE PRESIDENT: My job is to make every asthmatic brat on earth gasp & wheeze & wish they’d never been born such pathetic rejects! #ParisAccord
Now Neiman Marcus is kicking my sexy girl to the curb! I told Bibi the Jews can forget about America’s support!
POTUS: Nosy crybabies want me to #ReleaseTheReturns? I’ve authorized my IRS to do it! Now #STFU and bend over for some tax cuts 4 the rich!
THE PRESIDENT: I never really cared about abortion – beyond demanding receipts before cutting the reimbursement checks…
Be SCARED, because at any moment you could be murdered at Carl’s Junior by a one-legged Syrian war orphan!
“White House employees know they are to pimp only the full-price Trump merchandise,” Chief of Staff Reince Priebus reiterated in a statement to the press.
My base thinks it’s hilarious I’m calling them “thugs” –a word that everyone knows is code for “horny urban negro.”