President Trump’s First 100 Days

#TRUMP100DAYS: In his first magnificent, tumescent, godlike 100 days, President Donald J. Trump has recited bold words to restore his family’s prosperity, keep Americans safe from inconvenient information, and hold everyone else in government accountable, while providing blank, pre-signed ethics waivers to all family, friends and Executive Branch worker bees.

While his accomplishments are too historically epic and countless to list, below is a tiny sampling of his HUGE SUCCESSES…

Sticking It To The Media:

–> www.whitehouse.org/fake-news-survey

An Unstoppable Work Ethic:

–> President’s Weekly Vacation Schedule

Assembling An Epic Team:

Career Opportunities

–> Jobs At Trump® White House

At an historic pace, this President has enacted more legislation to promote pollution and signed more executive orders to promote the constitutional right of the Judiciary Brand to nullify the Executive Brand than any other president in over a billion years.

–> On Energy: Keeping Pennsyltucky Coal Guys Underground

A New Savior For America’s Seniors:

Trump Meals on Wheels

A Healthcare Home Run!

Paul RyanCare Fail

economic growth

A Paragon Of Family Values:

Fabulous Mar-a-Lago Vacations! 100 days on the job? POTUS has 23 days left if you subtract Mar-a-Lago!

Mar-a-Lago VIP Express Booking

Book Now @ https://whitehouse.org/mar-a-lago-vip

A-List Glamour Comes To The Oval Office:

With a focus on enabling our cash-junkie military, by removing healthcare from children and thereby ensuring that there will be less oldsters down the line to slurp up Medicaid dollars that could go to Pentagon toys, harassing workers who look Mexican-ish, and promoting Trump hotels and resorts, both here and abroad, the President is keeping his promises made while not crossing his fingers under the podium to the American people.

And so today, join POTUS in celebrating #100Days of BLOWING YOUR MIND WITH WORDS ABOUT  HOW MUCH POTUS HAS DONE IN 100 DAYS! #MAGA

 

DRAINING THE SWAMP

THE PRESIDENT: On ethics reform, as part of my plan to "Drain the Swamp" so we can frack the shit out of it, I will immediately release my tax returns, eliminate all conflicts of interest, and liquidate my foreign holdings. (PAUSE) OK, I’m fucking with you. Again....

Welcome FAREWELL Life-Long Trump Supporter Tony Scaramucci

POTUS welcomes bids fond farewell to carefully vetted, 1000% LOYAL Tony Scaramucci to WHITEHOUSE.ORG. So great to be have briefly been working with a life-long fan! ??? ###  

America-Only RELIGIOUS FREEDOM

America is all about freedom – to be a Christian. And freedom to shit on losers the Bible tells you to hate because they aren’t Jesus groupies like you!

President’s Termination Letter to FBI Director James Comey

I am releasing this letter to the news media first, specifically so I can reference to informing me, on THREE separate occasions, that I AM TOTALLY NOT UNDER INVESTIGATION!

Standing Up For LAW ENFORCEMENT

THE PRESIDENT: As all my addresses to Joint Sessions of Congress will make abundantly clear: America is, basically, a costume party. If you wear a uniform, you get worshipped -- no questions asked. You can riddle a black teenager, who's begging for mercy, with bullets...

Executive Order On Gender Urination Stagefright

Believe me, so-called “Trans” people should feel lucky they’re not pissing in a bucket around the corner…

That So-Called “Race” Stuff

My base thinks it’s hilarious I’m calling them “thugs” –a word that everyone knows is code for “horny urban negro.”

President Responds To Terror-Loving Airport Trespassers

Be SCARED, because at any moment you could be murdered at Carl’s Junior by a one-legged Syrian war orphan!

Making Our Military HUGE Again

THE PRESIDENT: Who needs healthcare, education, the arts, or diplomacy, when we can stuff all that money down the gullets of corporate military contractors, like when L'il Donnie makes homemade foie gras with the Mar-a-Lago geese? (That stuff is so classy and...

America-Only LGBTQ Stuff

THE PRESIDENT: OK, I got nothing against the homos. If I did, would I have used Liberace as my decorator? He took one look at my Trump Tower condo and said, "Giiiiirl, I'm going to whomp this wasteland up 'til she looks like a Persian prostitute won the lottery!"...