President Trump® was proud to serve a taxpayer-financed feast to America’s favorite millionaire culture warriors: Professional Redneck Kid Rock, Fair-Weather Governor Sarah Palin, and Race Mongrelization Deterrent Ted “The Nuge” Nugent. Below are highlights from this historic, dignified evening.

Palin Nugent Rock Entourage in Oval Office

Governor Palin and her star-studded entourage flank the Old Resolute desk in the Oval Office.  With his usual clenched teeth, POTUS told the group, “Say ‘SLEAZE!’” before the photographer snaps the President’s famous, never-changing, super-sincere smile.  

Sarah Palin Donald Trump Oval Office

Social media gadfly Sarah Palin, wearing an off-the-shoulder doily, tells POTUS that she also keeps all the books she read in the past ten years on her desk.

Kid Rock & Ted Nugent Oval Office

Mr. Rock and Mr. Nugent arrived dressed to impress, in formal attire wholly respectful of the history and solemnity of the Oval Office. Protocol-appropriate undergarments (unpictured) rounded out both ensembles.   

Ted Nugent guitar Oval Office

The Nuge wielded a stunningly patriotic guitar, on which he serenaded POTUS with his stirring new anthem, “Thank Ya Jaysus Are Precedentz Ain’t No Coon No More.” He and POTUS bonded on their shared love of flattering troops almost as vigorously as they avoided becoming troops themselves. As Ted confided to the amused President: “Yeah, you may have felt like shitting your pants when you got a draft notice, but I LITERALLY shit mine to dodge service!” Both laughed incredulously at how non-rich nobodies today actually volunteer to be cannon fodder. Sad!

Sarah Palin & Jared Kushner in Oval Office

While POTUS directs Centcom on which empty Pyongyang hotels to bomb, Governor Palin tells Co-President Kushner that she doesn’t believe half the things she hears about his people. Well, almost half.

Following dinner, Press Secretary Spicer took the assembled luminaries on an all-access tour. White House protocol that men not wear hats on their heads indoors was waived for the bucolic, costume-loving show people. Mrs. Palin, however, had politely insisted on removing anything from (or in) her head beforehand.

To cap off the evening (and troll Interweb Libtards), the three entertainers took a moment to snap a snarky “fuck you” selfie in front of Hillary Clinton’s portrait, just before drunkenly smearing their feces on the official portrait of President Obama.