President Brings A-List Glamour of “Celebrity Apprentice” To Oval Office

President Trump® was proud to serve a taxpayer-financed feast to America’s favorite millionaire culture warriors: Professional Redneck Kid Rock, Fair-Weather Governor Sarah Palin, and Race Mongrelization Deterrent Ted “The Nuge” Nugent. Below are highlights from this historic, dignified evening.

Palin Nugent Rock Entourage in Oval Office

Governor Palin and her star-studded entourage flank the Old Resolute desk in the Oval Office.  With his usual clenched teeth, POTUS told the group, “Say ‘SLEAZE!’” before the photographer snaps the President’s famous, never-changing, super-sincere smile.  

Sarah Palin Donald Trump Oval Office

Social media gadfly Sarah Palin, wearing an off-the-shoulder doily, tells POTUS that she also keeps all the books she read in the past ten years on her desk.

Kid Rock & Ted Nugent Oval Office

Mr. Rock and Mr. Nugent arrived dressed to impress, in formal attire wholly respectful of the history and solemnity of the Oval Office. Protocol-appropriate undergarments (unpictured) rounded out both ensembles.   

Ted Nugent guitar Oval Office

The Nuge wielded a stunningly patriotic guitar, on which he serenaded POTUS with his stirring new anthem, “Thank Ya Jaysus Are Precedentz Ain’t No Coon No More.” He and POTUS bonded on their shared love of flattering troops almost as vigorously as they avoided becoming troops themselves. As Ted confided to the amused President: “Yeah, you may have felt like shitting your pants when you got a draft notice, but I LITERALLY shit mine to dodge service!” Both laughed incredulously at how non-rich nobodies today actually volunteer to be cannon fodder. Sad!

Sarah Palin & Jared Kushner in Oval Office

While POTUS directs Centcom on which empty Pyongyang hotels to bomb, Governor Palin tells Co-President Kushner that she doesn’t believe half the things she hears about his people. Well, almost half.

Following dinner, Press Secretary Spicer took the assembled luminaries on an all-access tour. White House protocol that men not wear hats on their heads indoors was waived for the bucolic, costume-loving show people. Mrs. Palin, however, had politely insisted on removing anything from (or in) her head beforehand.

To cap off the evening (and troll Interweb Libtards), the three entertainers took a moment to snap a snarky “fuck you” selfie in front of Hillary Clinton’s portrait, just before drunkenly smearing their feces on the official portrait of President Obama.


Sean Spicer Bravely Combats Scourge of Fake News

Trump® White House totally gets back at FAKE news @NYtimes ? by not letting them in room?when Sean Spicer avoids everyone else's questions! - @FantasticPOTUS ###


THE PRESIDENT: As all my addresses to Joint Sessions of Congress will make abundantly clear: America is, basically, a costume party. If you wear a uniform, you get worshipped -- no questions asked. You can riddle a black teenager, who's begging for mercy, with bullets...

President Donald Trump’s Tax Returns

POTUS: Nosy crybabies want me to #ReleaseTheReturns? I’ve authorized my IRS to do it! Now #STFU and bend over for some tax cuts 4 the rich!


NOW HIRING: BACKUP U.S. ATTORNEY GENERAL WANTED: Trump® White House seeks a backup Attorney General to unquestioningly obey Mighty POTUS, but tell America he is running the Justice Department through (at least) eight years of 100% undetected scandal and treasonous...

Welcome FAREWELL Life-Long Trump Supporter Tony Scaramucci

POTUS welcomes bids fond farewell to carefully vetted, 1000% LOYAL Tony Scaramucci to WHITEHOUSE.ORG. So great to be have briefly been working with a life-long fan! ??? ###  

President’s Paris Accord Withdrawal Statement

POTUS: My job is to make every asthmatic brat on earth gasp & wheeze & wish they’d never been born such pathetic rejects! #ParisAccord

Executive Order Protecting The Nation From Foreign Terrorist Entry Into The United States

We will ban from entering America all swarthy persons from the world’s most dangerous hotbeds…


America is all about freedom – to be a Christian. And freedom to shit on losers the Bible tells you to hate because they aren’t Jesus groupies like you!

Obamacare Horror Stories: Roger’s Lung Cancer

ATTENTION PATRIOTS: President Trump will not rest until Obamacare is DEAD; drowned in the river like a burlap sack full of worm-infested stray kittens! YOU CAN HELP: Submit your #OBAMACAREHORROR Story @ WHITEHOUSE.ORG/OBAMACARE-HORROR today! ###...

Celebrating #RealNews Pundit Jerry Falwell, Jr.

Jerry Falwell Jr. of Liberty University was fantastic on “Fox & Friends.” The Fake News should listen to what he had to say. Thanks Jerry!