Melania® Trump Presents: White House Easter Egg Roll 2017

THE FIRST LADY: Please for joining me, Melania®, now to reading book for rebirth day of Jewish hippy Jesus. I looking even more pretty when sit next ugly “Goatse Tree” planted by frumpy lesbian Eleanor Roosevelt, no? You are enjoying the story now!

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PROCLAMATION: “NATIONAL DAY OF PATRIOTIC DEVOTION 2”

Today, 50 days into my administration, a worshipful national pride stirs in the nine-in-five Americans who voted against Crooked Hillary…

President Trump’s First Trip Abroad

POTUS ABROAD: OFFICIAL ITINERARY MAP

President Reacts To HUGE Crowds In Washington

Best, most HUGE Inauguration in History! We couldn’t keep the broads away! Even more showed up the second day!

Obamacare Horror Stories: Submit Yours!

Obamacare Horror Stories Submit Yours! THE PRESIDENT: Folks, it doesn't matter if Ryancare a.k.a. "The American Healthcare Act" went down in flames. Going forward - just out of spite - my entire strategy is to let Obamacare EXPLODE - no matter how many people end up...

The 5th of May FREEDOM FIESTA

TACO 'BOUT A nICE PARTY! Calling All Dreamers! Join El Hefe Trump® for fun, Fritos, and foreigners! Friday, May 5, 2017 White House South Lawn FREE to the pigmented public! Leave your ID at home! Fabulous Prizes: All-expenses paid vacations to exotic Tijuana!...

USA-ONLY FOREIGN POLICY

THE PRESIDENT: For too long, America has been the world’s nice, rich uncle, handing out candy, winks and presents — but getting nothing in return except a couple fingers barely under the Underoos. No more! Starting now, America is the world’s cranky grandpa in the...

PRESIDENT’S STATEMENT ON FABULOUS INSTANT SYRIA WAR

THE PRESIDENT: [Inhales sharply.] OK, wait until you see how serious I deliver this. So serious. And. Very. Very. Presidential. Like, Sean Hannity will be totally creaming in his pinstripe slacks any second now, folks.

President Announces SCOTUS Appointee Neil Gorsuch

Neil Gorsuch — Isn’t he FABULOUS, folks? So fabulous. You know I like having judges who owe me, OK?

NOW HIRING: BACKUP U.S. ATTORNEY GENERAL

NOW HIRING: BACKUP U.S. ATTORNEY GENERAL WANTED: Trump® White House seeks a backup Attorney General to unquestioningly obey Mighty POTUS, but tell America he is running the Justice Department through (at least) eight years of 100% undetected scandal and treasonous...

Urgent Appeal Re: Total Disaster Ryancare FAIL

The latest victim of Obamacare’s roving Death Panels? Speaker Paul Ryan’s career! He wasn’t man enough to pass the American Health Care Act. Pussy!