WANTED: Trump® White House seeks a backup Attorney General to report to President Bannon, but tell America he is running the Justice Department through (at least) eight years of 100% undetected scandal and treasonous criminality.
- Must be LOYAL, DISCREET & COMPLIANT team player
- Ability to convincingly deflect nosy lines of questioning from pushy Jew Senators or domestic enemy combatants (aka “reporters”)
- Ability to believe and defend new facts on an ad hoc basis
- Passing familiarity with only the useful parts of that Constitution thing
Ability to ideate and execute creative solutions for protecting voting boxes from negroes and other DNC enablers
- Memory uncluttered with inconvenient recollections of enemy spy conclaves and/or cross burnings
- Fluency in flattery and Russian
- Looking like one of “The Lollipop Guild” a plus
- Oversee and hamstring the worthless, law-obsessed bureaucrats who make up the Department of Justice
- Ensure that law enforcement has access to cool badass stuff like bazookas and tanks and flying killbots.
- Provide legal cover for all the brave, heroic cops who suffer trigger-happy mortal terror in the mere presence of coloreds
- Conflate the pharmaceutical opioid epidemic with smoking doobies
- Rebrand the failed and costly “War on Drugs” the new “War on Them Mexicans” Supervise the expansion of our for-profit prison system, ensuring its customers are plentiful and well-pigmented.
COMPENSATION: $205,700 / year
Now accepting aspiring apparatchik resumes via ZipRecruiter.com. Trump® White House is an equal opportunity employer; easily sunburned natives of the Missibama quadrangle are encouraged to apply.