THE FIRST LADY-DAUGHTER: Hello America, Ivanka® Trump here. Some of you might wonder why my daddy wants me reviewing top-secret intelligence and joining heads-of-state meetings that even Mike Pence isn’t allowed to attend. Well I’ll tell you: it’s because I’m so WISE. And that’s why I’m bringing my “Wise Words” campaign (#ITWISEWORDS) here to the White House – for purely humanitarian and non-promotional reasons. Enjoy!

If you want to look kind, surround yourself with assholes. Ivanka Trump Wise Words. #ITWISEWORDS

So wise, right? You now owe me $1.99 for having just read my copyrighted words.

"Reality doesn't interest me." - Leni Riefenstahl - Ivanka Trump Wise Words #ITWISEWORDS

True, not my words, but still, so WISE. I routinely commercially appropriate other people’s words in order to hawk my Chinese-made clothes.

"Friendship is like fine wine. Most of you can't afford it." - Ivanka Trump Wise Words #ITWISEWORDS

OK, freeloader, you now owe me $11.94. CASH ONLY.

Live every day like it is some uninsured infant's last. - Ivanka Trump WISE WORDS #ITWISEWORDS

And remember, the social media hashtag #ITWISEWORDS is TM and © 2017 ALL-MINE! So don’t you DARE think about polluting it with ANYTHING ELSE!!