THE PRESIDENT: Introducing Obamacare TRUMPCARE® – featuring TRUMP HEALTH® RIPPED VIGOR. It’s like your own personal physician who lives inside in a really classy luxury pill that’s priced to move, folks. Believe me, it’s all the healthcare you’ll ever need – or get! Nine out of ten insurance CEOs agree: “Take TRUMP HEALTH® daily and die quietly!” But don’t just take it from me:


  • “Thank you Mr. Trump for caring about my limp and lifeless penis.” – MORTY, 55
  • “I’m a middle-aged freelancer living in Michigan who’s struggling to pay for chemo treatments – but I’m happy the President sees my life as the cheap, fleeting business opportunity it is.” – SHARON, 45
  • “GUARANTEED to DOUBLE your dick! **2** HUGE new inches!” – SATISFIED CUSTOMER & OWNER, 70.

Available at all-American chain drugstores in the “Seasonal Big Sugar & Snake Oils” aisle, or simply check line 14 of your 1040 (“I’d like 84% of my refund to apply to TRUMP HEALTH®”). Effective immediately, proof of purchase necessary for TRUMPCARE®, Passports, and Tax Refunds.