Introducing Obamacare TRUMPCARE®

THE PRESIDENT: Introducing Obamacare TRUMPCARE® – featuring TRUMP HEALTH® RIPPED VIGOR. It’s like your own personal physician who lives inside in a really classy luxury pill that’s priced to move, folks. Believe me, it’s all the healthcare you’ll ever need – or get! Nine out of ten insurance CEOs agree: “Take TRUMP HEALTH® daily and die quietly!” But don’t just take it from me:

TESTIMONIALS:

  • “Thank you Mr. Trump for caring about my limp and lifeless penis.” – MORTY, 55
  • “I’m a middle-aged freelancer living in Michigan who’s struggling to pay for chemo treatments – but I’m happy the President sees my life as the cheap, fleeting business opportunity it is.” – SHARON, 45
  • “GUARANTEED to DOUBLE your dick! **2** HUGE new inches!” – SATISFIED CUSTOMER & OWNER, 70.

Available at all-American chain drugstores in the “Seasonal Big Sugar & Snake Oils” aisle, or simply check line 14 of your 1040 (“I’d like 84% of my refund to apply to TRUMP HEALTH®”). Effective immediately, proof of purchase necessary for TRUMPCARE®, Passports, and Tax Refunds.
TRUMP HEALTH®

GET YOURS TODAY:

President’s Weekly Vacation Schedule

If it’s Monday, that means POTUS is back from his $3+Million vacation & ready to #MAGA – for a few days anyway…

PREEMPTIVE PARDON of Donald Trump, Jr.

IN FURTHERANCE OF L’IL DONNIE’S SLOPPY FUCKUPS BRAGGING TO ME ABOUT HIS STUPID MEETINGS AND LEAVING A PAPER TRAIL ABOUT OLLUSION-CAY WITH THE USSIANS-RAY, WHICH IF ANYONE IS GUILTY FOR, IT’S HIS GOLD-DIGGER HAG MOTHER IVANA AND HER GARBAGE CZECHOSLOVAKIAN DNA THAT MADE HIM HALF RETARD. SAD!

President Trump’s First 100 Days

#TRUMP100DAYS: In his first magnificent, tumescent, godlike 100 days, President Donald J. Trump has recited bold words to restore his family's prosperity, keep Americans safe from inconvenient information, and hold everyone else in government accountable, while...

President’s Termination Letter to FBI Director James Comey

I am releasing this letter to the news media first, specifically so I can reference to informing me, on THREE separate occasions, that I AM TOTALLY NOT UNDER INVESTIGATION!

America-Only LGBTQ Stuff

THE PRESIDENT: OK, I got nothing against the homos. If I did, would I have used Liberace as my decorator? He took one look at my Trump Tower condo and said, "Giiiiirl, I'm going to whomp this wasteland up 'til she looks like a Persian prostitute won the lottery!"...

America-Only RELIGIOUS FREEDOM

America is all about freedom – to be a Christian. And freedom to shit on losers the Bible tells you to hate because they aren’t Jesus groupies like you!

Abortion Rights WRONGS

THE PRESIDENT: I never really cared about abortion – beyond demanding receipts before cutting the reimbursement checks…

Obamacare Horror Story: Dr. Breem’s Lament

ATTENTION PATRIOTS: President Trump will not rest until Obamacare is DEAD; bled out and hanging from the branch of a tree like a freshly bagged cheetah on safari. YOU CAN HELP: Submit your #OBAMACAREHORROR Story @ WHITEHOUSE.ORG/OBAMACARE-HORROR today! ###...

Jared Kusher Statement On Russian Collusion

By Popular Demand: Jared Kushner, ethically spotless Sr. White House Advisor & Secretary Of All the Complicated Stuff, goes on the record regarding his alleged treason.

Proclamation: 5 Reasons Why Andrew Jackson Is The 2nd Greatest President Ever

THE PRESIDENT: People come in the Oval Office and ask me, why do you have a boring, old painting of this "Andrew Jackson" fuck? I get their point: It’s not even a Thomas Kinkade! I tell them: “For only one reason: President Bannon is now the Oval Office interior...