Swearing-In Statement: Attorney General Jeff Sessions

THE PRESIDENT: On energy, I will stop supporting sissy stuff like wind and solar and rainbows and all that liberal hippy-dippy spiral-dancer earth-lover bullshit, and go back to a future where huge, dick-like smokestacks belch out thick, beautiful GOLDEN clouds of...

THE PRESIDENT: OK, I got nothing against the homos. If I did, would I have used Liberace as my decorator? He took one look at my Trump Tower condo and said, "Giiiiirl, I'm going to whomp this wasteland up 'til she looks like a Persian prostitute won the lottery!"...

Now Neiman Marcus is kicking my sexy girl to the curb! I told Bibi the Jews can forget about America’s support!

THE PRESIDENT: I never really cared about abortion – beyond demanding receipts before cutting the reimbursement checks…

#TRUMP100DAYS: In his first magnificent, tumescent, godlike 100 days, President Donald J. Trump has recited bold words to restore his family's prosperity, keep Americans safe from inconvenient information, and hold everyone else in government accountable, while...

TACO 'BOUT A nICE PARTY! Calling All Dreamers! Join El Hefe Trump® for fun, Fritos, and foreigners! Friday, May 5, 2017 White House South Lawn FREE to the pigmented public! Leave your ID at home! Fabulous Prizes: All-expenses paid vacations to exotic Tijuana!...

“White House employees know they are to pimp only the full-price Trump merchandise,” Chief of Staff Reince Priebus reiterated in a statement to the press.

Trump® White House totally gets back at FAKE news @NYtimes ? by not letting them in room?when Sean Spicer avoids everyone else's questions! - @FantasticPOTUS ###

Believe me, it’s all the healthcare you’ll ever need – or get! Nine out of ten insurance CEOs agree: “Take TRUMP HEALTH® daily and die quietly!”

“Obamacare” meant Obama himself was using his bare hand to give little
white girls pelvic exams…