Statement On First Lady Smacking Down Loser Blogger

THE PRESIDENT: GREAT NEWS about the BIGLY $ettlement for Melania! So let that be a lesson to any lousy website that can’t afford to pay the KGB to bury any proof that my hotwife allegedly worked the breadlines of Slovenia as a hooker! Believe me folks, nobody knows more about Atlantic City streetwalkers than ME! Not that I have to pay for anything I ever grab, OK? But Melania said the settlement was HUGE! Almost as HUGE as the check she gets from me in totally-non-hookerish-payment whenever I beg her to unbolt and unchain her bedroom door! So great! – @FantasticPOTUS

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Obamacare Horror Stories: Roger’s Lung Cancer

ATTENTION PATRIOTS: President Trump will not rest until Obamacare is DEAD; drowned in the river like a burlap sack full of worm-infested stray kittens! YOU CAN HELP: Submit your #OBAMACAREHORROR Story @ WHITEHOUSE.ORG/OBAMACARE-HORROR today! ###...

Making Our Military HUGE Again

THE PRESIDENT: Who needs healthcare, education, the arts, or diplomacy, when we can stuff all that money down the gullets of corporate military contractors, like when L'il Donnie makes homemade foie gras with the Mar-a-Lago geese? (That stuff is so classy and...

The 5th of May FREEDOM FIESTA

TACO 'BOUT A nICE PARTY! Calling All Dreamers! Join El Hefe Trump® for fun, Fritos, and foreigners! Friday, May 5, 2017 White House South Lawn FREE to the pigmented public! Leave your ID at home! Fabulous Prizes: All-expenses paid vacations to exotic Tijuana!...

Secretary DeVos Incorporates All America’s Public Schools In Cayman Islands

Here we go, folks! Secretery Betsy DeVos will RAM change down stupid @USedgov’s throat to Make Educasion Great Again! #MEGA - @FantasticPOTUS ###

President Trump’s First 100 Days

#TRUMP100DAYS: In his first magnificent, tumescent, godlike 100 days, President Donald J. Trump has recited bold words to restore his family's prosperity, keep Americans safe from inconvenient information, and hold everyone else in government accountable, while...

Swearing-In Statement: Attorney General Jeff Sessions

A dangerous CRIME WAVE of TERRORIST MEXICAN BLACK LIVES MATTER GEORGE SOROS PROTESTORS is sweeping AMERICA and NO ONE is safe! Don’t look at FBI statistics because they’re FAKE FACTS!

Jared Kusher Statement On Russian Collusion

By Popular Demand: Jared Kushner, ethically spotless Sr. White House Advisor & Secretary Of All the Complicated Stuff, goes on the record regarding his alleged treason.

Executive Order Regarding First Lady-Daughter’s Clothing Line

Executive Order #34567: Everybody in America has to wear IVANKA TRUMP® panties OR ELSE!

Obamacare Horror Story: Dr. Breem’s Lament

ATTENTION PATRIOTS: President Trump will not rest until Obamacare is DEAD; bled out and hanging from the branch of a tree like a freshly bagged cheetah on safari. YOU CAN HELP: Submit your #OBAMACAREHORROR Story @ WHITEHOUSE.ORG/OBAMACARE-HORROR today! ###...

President Trump: National Security Savior

I told you, NOBODY knows more about national security than me, folks! So safe! #MAGA - @FantasticPOTUS