Secretary DeVos Incorporates All America’s Public Schools In Cayman Islands

Here we go, folks! Secretery Betsy DeVos will RAM change down stupid @USedgov’s throat to Make Educasion Great Again! #MEGA – @FantasticPOTUS

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Proclamation: 5 Reasons Why Andrew Jackson Is The 2nd Greatest President Ever

THE PRESIDENT: People come in the Oval Office and ask me, why do you have a boring, old painting of this "Andrew Jackson" fuck? I get their point: It’s not even a Thomas Kinkade! I tell them: “For only one reason: President Bannon is now the Oval Office interior...

Obamacare Horror Stories: Roger’s Lung Cancer

ATTENTION PATRIOTS: President Trump will not rest until Obamacare is DEAD; drowned in the river like a burlap sack full of worm-infested stray kittens! YOU CAN HELP: Submit your #OBAMACAREHORROR Story @ WHITEHOUSE.ORG/OBAMACARE-HORROR today! ###...

USA-ONLY FOREIGN POLICY

THE PRESIDENT: For too long, America has been the world’s nice, rich uncle, handing out candy, winks and presents — but getting nothing in return except a couple fingers barely under the Underoos. No more! Starting now, America is the world’s cranky grandpa in the...

Ask The First Ladies

After a lucky Trump® White House supporter won our free lottery (and her check cleared), First Ladies Melania®, Ivanka®, Ivana® Trump & Marla Maples jumped on a conference call to... MAKE THIS AMERICAN GREAT AGAIN! To submit YOUR question, email...

America-Only LGBTQ Stuff

THE PRESIDENT: OK, I got nothing against the homos. If I did, would I have used Liberace as my decorator? He took one look at my Trump Tower condo and said, "Giiiiirl, I'm going to whomp this wasteland up 'til she looks like a Persian prostitute won the lottery!"...

PREEMPTIVE PARDON of Donald Trump, Jr.

IN FURTHERANCE OF L’IL DONNIE’S SLOPPY FUCKUPS BRAGGING TO ME ABOUT HIS STUPID MEETINGS AND LEAVING A PAPER TRAIL ABOUT OLLUSION-CAY WITH THE USSIANS-RAY, WHICH IF ANYONE IS GUILTY FOR, IT’S HIS GOLD-DIGGER HAG MOTHER IVANA AND HER GARBAGE CZECHOSLOVAKIAN DNA THAT MADE HIM HALF RETARD. SAD!

President On Mexico’s Refusal To Pay For Wall

THE PRESIDENT: So fed up with Mexico's stinginess! And I thought *Americans* were cheapasses about paying for stuff America needs! Sad! So I says to Mexico, "OK, you can buy the goddamn wall on layaway -- 3,900 easy installments! Or howza 'bout a reverse mortgage on...

An America-Only JOBS & GROWTH Plan

THE PRESIDENT: To stimulate jobs, we must gut any and all regulations that stand in the way of profit at any cost. That's why for every new regulation, I will require that two be eliminated! Which ones? Pick out of a hat -- I don’t care. Details are for nosy Special...

People Are Saying: NO RUSSIAN COLLUSION!

100% regular, all-American person “Andy from Arkansas” has wise words for stupid losers who think POTUS secretly loves glorious Mother Russia!

President Brings A-List Glamour of “Celebrity Apprentice” To Oval Office

President Trump® was proud to serve a taxpayer-financed feast to America's favorite millionaire culture warriors: Professional Redneck Kid Rock, Fair-Weather Governor Sarah Palin, and Race Mongrelization Deterrent Ted “The Nuge” Nugent. Below are highlights from this...