President Announces SCOTUS Appointee Neil Gorsuch

THE PRESIDENT: Neil Gorsuch — Isn’t he FABULOUS, folks? So fabulous. You know I like having judges who owe me, OK? Presidents don’t have to follow conflict of interest laws — so I want someone with a conflict of interest to uphold that law! – @FantasticPOTUS 

###

That So-Called “Race” Stuff

My base thinks it’s hilarious I’m calling them “thugs” –a word that everyone knows is code for “horny urban negro.”

USA-ONLY FOREIGN POLICY

THE PRESIDENT: For too long, America has been the world’s nice, rich uncle, handing out candy, winks and presents — but getting nothing in return except a couple fingers barely under the Underoos. No more! Starting now, America is the world’s cranky grandpa in the...

People Are Saying: TRUMPCARE® ROCKS!

People Are Saying: TRUMPCARE® ROCKS! Darlene Johnson - Head Mop at the Porn Palace in Knoxville TN, shares her inspiring tale of overcoming stupid Obamacare's #FAKENEWS to arrive at a TRUMPCARE® MIRACLE!   ###  

Standing Up For LAW ENFORCEMENT

THE PRESIDENT: As all my addresses to Joint Sessions of Congress will make abundantly clear: America is, basically, a costume party. If you wear a uniform, you get worshipped -- no questions asked. You can riddle a black teenager, who's begging for mercy, with bullets...

Obamacare Horror Stories: Submit Yours!

Obamacare Horror Stories Submit Yours! THE PRESIDENT: Folks, it doesn't matter if Ryancare a.k.a. "The American Healthcare Act" went down in flames. Going forward - just out of spite - my entire strategy is to let Obamacare EXPLODE - no matter how many people end up...

People Are Saying: NO RUSSIAN COLLUSION!

100% regular, all-American person “Andy from Arkansas” has wise words for stupid losers who think POTUS secretly loves glorious Mother Russia!

An America-Only ENERGY Plan

THE PRESIDENT: On energy, I will stop supporting sissy stuff like wind and solar and rainbows and all that liberal hippy-dippy spiral-dancer earth-lover bullshit, and go back to a future where huge, dick-like smokestacks belch out thick, beautiful GOLDEN clouds of...

America-Only LGBTQ Stuff

THE PRESIDENT: OK, I got nothing against the homos. If I did, would I have used Liberace as my decorator? He took one look at my Trump Tower condo and said, "Giiiiirl, I'm going to whomp this wasteland up 'til she looks like a Persian prostitute won the lottery!"...

President Trump’s First Trip Abroad

POTUS ABROAD: OFFICIAL ITINERARY MAP

Sean Spicer Bravely Combats Scourge of Fake News

Trump® White House totally gets back at FAKE news @NYtimes ? by not letting them in room?when Sean Spicer avoids everyone else's questions! - @FantasticPOTUS ###