THE PRESIDENT: Folks, I’m making America GREAT again. This has never been a country that accepts refugees. NEVER! So be SCARED, because at any moment you could be murdered at Carl’s Junior by a one-legged Syrian war orphan!

Look: we got to keep out the Islamics! Just to be safe! I thought Mexicans were bad. These other dirtbags kill women and children and launch missiles from high-tech drones that kill women & children. Wait. No. That’s us. Good!

Anyway, it’s all terrifying. You’re lucky I’m the boss! #MuslimBan – @FantasticPOTUS