President Reacts To HUGE Crowds In Washington

THE PRESIDENT: Best, most HUGE Inauguration in History! We couldn’t keep the broads away! Even more showed up the second day! Trust me: Nobody loves me more than the ladies, OK? Today, the mall — and why are there no stores in that mall? — was full of gals who would really love to give me my MAN-date. Well, except for the lezzies — and there were a few — but who knows? Right? – @FantasticPOTUS

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Executive Order Regarding First Lady-Daughter’s Clothing Line

Executive Order #34567: Everybody in America has to wear IVANKA TRUMP® panties OR ELSE!

2017 Republican Loyalty Pledge

I do hereby pledge total loyalty to Donald J. Trump, exalted Savior of the dysfunctional Frankenstein non-coalition formerly known as “The Republican Party.”

Melania® Trump Presents: White House Easter Egg Roll 2017

“I looking even more pretty when sit next ugly ‘Goatse Tree’ planted by frumpy lesbian Eleanor Roosevelt, no?”

PREEMPTIVE PARDON of Donald Trump, Jr.

IN FURTHERANCE OF L’IL DONNIE’S SLOPPY FUCKUPS BRAGGING TO ME ABOUT HIS STUPID MEETINGS AND LEAVING A PAPER TRAIL ABOUT OLLUSION-CAY WITH THE USSIANS-RAY, WHICH IF ANYONE IS GUILTY FOR, IT’S HIS GOLD-DIGGER HAG MOTHER IVANA AND HER GARBAGE CZECHOSLOVAKIAN DNA THAT MADE HIM HALF RETARD. SAD!

President Trump: National Security Savior

I told you, NOBODY knows more about national security than me, folks! So safe! #MAGA - @FantasticPOTUS

Swearing-In Statement: Attorney General Jeff Sessions

A dangerous CRIME WAVE of TERRORIST MEXICAN BLACK LIVES MATTER GEORGE SOROS PROTESTORS is sweeping AMERICA and NO ONE is safe! Don’t look at FBI statistics because they’re FAKE FACTS!

Trumpism At Work: Tackling Complicated Stuff

Trumpism At Work: Tackling Complicated Stuff Americans everywhere are taking POTUS' lead on solving complicated problems! Join them! #TrumpismAtWork #MAGA  Yes, YOU TOO can solve complicated problems like a GENIUS BILLIONAIRE! Work it like @POTUS, America!...

Executive Order On Gender Urination Stagefright

Believe me, so-called “Trans” people should feel lucky they’re not pissing in a bucket around the corner…

Secretary DeVos Incorporates All America’s Public Schools In Cayman Islands

Here we go, folks! Secretery Betsy DeVos will RAM change down stupid @USedgov’s throat to Make Educasion Great Again! #MEGA - @FantasticPOTUS ###

Proclamation: 5 Reasons Why Andrew Jackson Is The 2nd Greatest President Ever

THE PRESIDENT: People come in the Oval Office and ask me, why do you have a boring, old painting of this "Andrew Jackson" fuck? I get their point: It’s not even a Thomas Kinkade! I tell them: “For only one reason: President Bannon is now the Oval Office interior...