THE PRESIDENT: OK, I got nothing against the homos. If I did, would I have used Liberace as my decorator? He took one look at my Trump Tower condo and said, “Giiiiirl, I’m going to whomp this wasteland up ’til she looks like a Persian prostitute won the lottery!” Just think what gilded goodness he could have brought to the stuffy White House. Sad!
No, they’re so fabulous, the homos. I mean, you should see Melania® without her homo beauticians. She’s already dropped from a 9 to a 7, as she rapidly ages out of the Mrs. Trump job, but without the homos, she looks like a 5 – TOPS! And speaking of tops, I love lezzies with strap-ons. My VCR collection would be nothing without them. I guess you’ve got me pegged!
So yeah, I support the LBTQWERTY people. True, I don’t know or care what most of those letters mean – unless one of the T’s stands for Trump. I do know the other T is for “trannies.” Luckily I pee wherever I want. Doubt it? Ha, I’m about to piss all over the people who voted for me!
What I really don’t understand is why the homos care so much about marriage – just ask any of my wives, Ivanka, or the other pussies I’ve grabbed. I’m told that fruity Jesus said to only have one wife. Yeah, as if! The thing is: President Bannon and I have had six – so far – between us. And, long story short, I raped one of mine; he slapped the shit out of one of his. Harmless locker room stuff!
The problem is that even though I waved around that ugly rainbow flag, homos and lezzies and whatevers did NOT hop on the Trump Train when they had the chance. So I’m going to have to throw them to the lions – which is ironic, as all those lions are now Christians! Isn’t persecution hilarious? Anyway, I have to wait until Ivanka and Jared are out of town to do it. They get all bent out of shape when Bannon and Pence talk about sticking it to the LGBTQWERTYs. Ivanka must be selling them all pumps – or poppers! – or something. So I’ll wait for now…