THE PRESIDENT: To stimulate jobs, we must gut any and all regulations that stand in the way of profit at any cost. That’s why for every new regulation, I will require that two be eliminated! Which ones? Pick out of a hat — I don’t care. Details are for nosy Special Prosecutors and Jewish accountants!

I mean, who doesn’t love a two-for-one deal, right?  Say the Department of Labor wants a new law so you can lay off knocked-up ugly chicks? I’m gonna say, “Great idea! But two rules gotta go: First, the EPA’s gonna have to abolish the one that says drinking water can’t be a flammable solid. AND the VA has to stop handing out those bionic legs Lee Majors wore on ‘The Six Million Dollar Man.’ What, to every vet who gets blown up? Maybe it’s just me, but I like people who don’t get blown up.”

And while we’re at it: we need to get rid of the busybody FDA, folks. Why spoil the surprise, by telling Americans what’s under the lid of that dented can of meat BEFORE they open it? Unfair!

#PolicyByTweet: Get Blacks picking lettuce the kicked-out Mexicans used to = FULL employment! SO need to drop child labor laws. Get them hot tweens working the streets! #MAGA – @WHITEHOUSE_ORG