Jared Kushner: #1 Son

President Trump’s Senior White House Advisor is the proud incarnation of Millennial Entitlement.

Many common morons who lack genius and vision wonder, “What does President Trump see in his anodyne son-in-law Jared Kushner, anyway?” As the greatest-ever POTUS in history, Mr. Trump knows it’s very important to be surrounded by people with backgrounds and perspectives different from his own. In Jared, he sees something totally alien to him: a political neophyte male offspring of a powerful real estate tycoon, whose daddy was a) investigated by federal authorities for illegal activities; b) gave him the only job he’s ever had and c) gifted him millions of dollars to jumpstart his pet projects. That’s the kind of wild psychographic diversity that President Trump can get behind!

Eons ago, in the late 1990’s, Jared’s daddy donated, purely by coincidence, $2.5 Million dollars to Harvard University on the eve of his dull son’s application. This of course, had zero influence on Jared’s acceptance to the Ivy citadel – but even if it had, there’s nothing more “family values” than protecting a virile boy’s tender ego from the lifetime of heartbreak caused by matriculating at some also-ran safety school like Williams or Swarthmore or Vassar, which everyone knows churn out losers faster than a Mexican uterus.

Most importantly, President Trump sees in Jared the most stellar qualities of leadership he sees in himself – namely an affinity for $10,000 custom-tailored suits, the shiny-faced confidence that comes from using really classy soaps, and more than anything – being a TOTAL pussy magnet. Like, as strong a magnet as those ones they use in junkyards to drop old Cadillacs into the crusher. Both Jared and the President are major hunks who could have any perky-titted blonde bimbo in the world, and yet they both only have eyes for one. The same one.

Jared is referred to by many in the Fake News as “Senior White House Advisor,” but his actual official job title is “Person Pointed to When We’re Accused of Being Anti-Semitic Because Bannon Hates Jews and is Writing all the Policy Stuff.”

Jared is a Milquetoast Machiavelli Capricorn, and is pretty good at this politics stuff.

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