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For Immediate Release
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Office of the Press Secretary
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February 3, 2004
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9:01 A.M. (EST)
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TERROR CODE RED!
LIBERAL PUBLISHER BETRAYS AMERICA BY STEALING TOP-SECRET WHITE HOUSE EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK, CREATING TREACHEROUS SLEEPER CELLS OF REALITY AWARENESS IN BOOKSTORES THROUGHOUT THE NATION!
Emergency Statement by the President at White House Staff Meeting
THE PRESIDENT: My fellow alpha-males, token coloreds and yes-men – pardon my Sominex stupor, but I've cut
short my favorite nap – the morning one – to stand before you with news more shocking than the shiny
refrigerator magnet Janet Jackson had skewered through the end of that sloppy brown boobie of hers. Those of you who do
that crazy "reading-books-and-newspapers" thing may already know this, but some turncoat turd among you has stolen
a copy of the White House Inc. Employee Handbook!
In contravention of strict White House policy that nothing honest leaves this building, some Paul O'Neillish traitor
among you has made this indiscreetly "off message" and otherwise enjoyable book available to a liberal and, no
doubt, Jewish New York publisher. As of today, it is in the hands of the enemy. Yes, the American people.
Now, any dipshit voter in America can walk into something my advisors tell me is called a "book store" and find out
what really goes on at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue – without even forking over $1 million seed money to the
Bush/Halliburton reelection campaign.
That is why, effective immediately, I have directed Hysteria Czar Ridge to raise the Terror Alert Level to "Red"
– or something even more shrill if he can think up a good color – for the
very first time until this grave security breach can be remedied. Furthermore,
by the authority vested in me as President by the Rehnquist Supreme Court of the United States of America,
and in order to preserve the utmost secrecy surrounding every last facet of my utterly flawless and corruption-free
reign, it is hereby ordered as follows:
Sec. 1. Martial law is in effect. Your regular scheduled Constitution and Bill of Rights are being pre-empted,
possibly permanently, until such time as all Republican-voting patriots have used the tax rebate
money I'm borrowing from their grandchildren to go out and scoop up every last illicit copy of the
White House Inc. Employee Handbook,
thereby preventing their ever falling into liberal, terrorist-coddling hands and blasting down the carefully-crafted
illusion of integrity and competence of this beloved White House of Cards!
Sec. 2. This order is effective on 12:01 a.m. eastern standard time on February 3, 2004.
Sec. 3. This order shall be transmitted to the Congress and published in the Federal Register – only with
all the sensitive stuff stricken.
GEORGE W. BUSH
THE WHITE HOUSE,
February 3, 2004.
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ON SALE NATIONWIDE FEBRUARY 3, 2004!
THE HILARIOUS NEW BOOK FROM THE WRITERS OF WHITEHOUSE.ORG
Order Now @
Amazon.com,
Barnes & Noble, or
Booksense.com
The White House Inc. Employee Handbook: A Staffer's Guide to Success, Profit, and Eternal
Salvation Inside George W. Bush's Executive Branch
By John A. Wooden (Editor), Paul A. Bradley, John DeVore, Chris Harper, the Writers of Whitehouse.Org
"A hilarious, dead-on parody. Brilliantly subversive and fearlessly offensive, if ever a book was going
to be banned under the Patriot Act, this would be it!"
- Daniel Kurtzman: Editor,
About.com Political Humor Review
About the Author:
The same website that invoked Dick Cheney's wrath and sparked a First Amendment furor, Whitehouse.org boasts over
1 million readers per month and seven Dot Comedy awards for best Internet political humor. This is
the first book based on the site.
Book Description:
The talented writers of four of the Internet's most popular parodies:
WHITEHOUSE.ORG, BettyBowers.com, LandoverBaptist.org, and Chickenhead.com – joined at the hip to
produce the one book that is guaranteed to have Capitol Hill (and the whole country!) rolling in the aisles
all election year long!
Equal parts shrewd business lampoon and outrageous political send-up, this is wickedly astute
satire at its finest – funny and gutsy, with a frightening, yet familiar ring of that oft-forgotten
thing called truth. Welcome to The White House Inc., patriotic worker bee – you picked the winning team!
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MORE INFORMATION:
On Sale: February 3, 2004
A Plume Original Trade Paperback
Price: $14.00
Contact: Sarah Melnyk, Publicist
212-366-2218
sarah.melnyk–AT–us.penguingroup.com
> Download Publisher's Press Release
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