PRESIDENT ASSURES ANTHRAX-WEARY POPULACE: "DISNEY WORLD STILL A SUPER-FUN PLACE"

THE PRESIDENT: Good morning. As you know, a second wave of terrorism has descended upon our nation, in the form of deadly Anthrax bacteria distributed through the US postal service by persons as of yet unidentified. As a result, I am speaking to you today from the hermetically sealed subterranean White House bunker, where the Secret Service has sequestered me until such time as it can be verified that my newly-delivered December issue of Guns & Ammo is uncontaminated.

I know that this unprecedented biological attack is causing many people to experience great anxiety. My advisors tell me that many Americans have begun to openly ponder their mortality, and ask themselves hard questions about what in life is truly important. Well on that note, I want the good people of this country to know that I have just spoken by telephone with my younger brother Jeb, and he has assured me most emphatically that Walt Disney World is still a super-fun place.

Jeb tells me that this massive theme park, which effectively buoys Florida's economy and keeps him in office, remains a wondrous vacation destination - where storybook fantasy is everyday reality, and beloved classic Disney narratives spring to life as if by magic. Jeb tells me the attractions are nearly endless - from perennial favorites such as "Swiss Family Treehouse" and "The Enchanted Tiki Room," to the kid-friendly appeal of "Mickey & Minnie's Grown-up Motorlodge." Furthermore, with hundreds of refined and eclectic restaurants dotting the Magic Kingdom^®, Epcot^®, Animal Kingdom^®, and Disney-MGM Studios theme parks, you're guaranteed to find something nutritious and delicious that will tickle your palate - no matter what your favorite cuisine. And today, with special Winter Getaway rates, you can enjoy beautifully themed accomodations at Disney's All-Star Resorts for as low as $59 per night.

And so I want the good people of this nation to know - not only does Disney World remain the very embodiment of all that is good with America - it also remains a super-fun place, in a super-fun state with absolutely NO need for election reform. I urge you to book your travel arrangements to this wholesome wonderland immediately! By doing so, you are identifying yourself as a patriot, and side-stepping the dark cloud of suspicion and recurring tax audits that will settle over all non-patriotic, non-Disney-and-Florida-supporting persons. The choice is yours. I trust you to make the right decision.

Thank you, and good day.

XXX

END 9:08 A.M. EST