TRANSCRIPT OF PRESIDENT BUSH'S INAUGURAL ADDRESS

President Clinton, distinguished guests and my fellow citizens, the peaceful transfer of authority is rare in history, yet common in our country. With a simple oath, we affirm old traditions and make new beginnings.

As I begin, I thank President Clinton for his service to our nation and our interns.

And I thank Vice President Gore for a contest conducted with great woodenness, and concluded so inconclusively.

I am honored and humbled to stand here, where so many of America's leaders have come before me, and where so many Bushes will follow. It's hard to believe that just two short weeks ago, I couldn't even spell Washington.

We have a place, all of us, in a long story--a story like my father the President once told me, where a walrus and a carpenter set out to find some oysters. I'm sorry, I got distracted. Is anyone else here hungry? A guy gets appointed head of the free world and he can't even get an appetizer at his own coronation. Stop kicking me. Oh, the story. It's a story we continue, but whose end we will not see. It is the story of a new world that became a friend and liberator of the old, a story of a slave-holding society that became a servant of freedom, the story of a power that went into the world to protect but not possess, to defend but not to conquer. Of course, if Godless foreigners don't abide by our wishes, we'll blast 'em to kingdom come.

Through much of the last century, America's faith in freedom and democracy was a rock in a raging sea. Now it is like the plant sperm that is pollen upon the wind, blown away from America but taking root in many nations.

Our democratic faith is more than the creed of our country, it is the inborn hope of our humanity, an ideal we carry but do not own, a trust we bear and pass along. And even after nearly 225 years, we have a long way yet to travel. I plan to make that way even longer, by criminalizing every imaginable innovation and pleasurable activity.

While many of our citizens prosper, others doubt the promise, even the justice, of our own country. Silly darkies - they want equal sentences with decent white folk. They oughta learn that powdered cocaine is where it's at. Crack makes you do all sorts of stupid things, like try to hold up a mini-mart in El Paso armed with nothing but a punctured can of tuna fish. Thank God Jeb was passed out in front of the door. But nevermind that.

The ambitions of some Americans are limited by failing schools and hidden prejudice and the circumstances of their birth. Or in other cases, overt and righteous prejudice in the case of fags, jungle bunnies, kikes, and bitches. Like anyone cares. Sometimes our differences run so deep, it seems we share a continent, but not a country. Besides, who wants to share a country with perverts and queers?

We do not accept them, and we will not allow their twisted behavior. Our unity, our union, is the serious work of leaders and citizens in every generation. And this is my solemn pledge: I will work to build a single nation of justice and opportunity that every Christian heterosexual can enjoy.

I know this is in our reach because we are guided by a power larger than ourselves who creates us equal in His image, and who expects us to live up to His ideals as expressed by My right wing power base who assure me that they comminicate with Him directly and seek his instruction of manner of worldly matters.

And we are confident in principles that unite and lead us onward.

America has never been united by blood or birth or soil. We are bound by ideals that move us beyond our backgrounds, lift us above our interests and teach us what it means to be citizens. It is unfortunate that some of us, primarily minorities, are called to serve in poverty. But that poverty is essential to the success of other, more deserving person. Every child must be taught these principles. Every citizen must uphold them. And every immigrant, by embracing these ideals, makes our country more, not less, American - unless they're Hispanic, in which case we can lock them up without formal charges for months or years. Amen.

Today, we affirm a new commitment to live out our nation's promise through civility, courage, compassion and character. We affirm the second amendment and abolish the first. We affirm that ends justify means and that yours truly is practically God for the next four years. Yeah!

America, at its best, matches a commitment to principle with a concern for civility. A civil society demands from each of us good will and respect, fair dealing and forgiveness. Nevermind that crap. America needs to be kicked into shape. Have you seen a movie recently? They're all full of that disgusting sex thing. And people are talking about homosexuality as if it's just a personal choice, and not an affront to God the creator. We're going to fix this place and lock up anyone who isn't JUST. LIKE. ME.

Some seem to believe that our politics can afford to be petty because, in a time of peace, the stakes of our debates appear small. Can you believe that anyone dares disagree with the word God-inspired word of the Republican agenda?

But the stakes for America are never small. If our country does not lead the cause of freedom, it will not be led. Is that the country or the cause? "Does not lead, it will not be led." Damn if I can figure it out. Who pays these speech writers, anyway? I want my money back. Or Daddy's money back. Listen to this next bit...If we do not turn the hearts of children toward knowledge and character, we will lose their gifts and undermine their idealism. What the hell is that supposed to mean? I want my kinds to be tough, I want them to kick some faggot ass. What's this crap about idealism? And catch this: "If we permit our economy to drift and decline, the vulnerable will suffer most." Well, duh. If they weren't so Goddamned vulnerable they wouldn't suffer in the first place. It's not like any of us have to worry.

America, at its best, is also courageous.

Our national courage has been clear in times of depression and war, when defending common dangers defined our common good. Now we must choose if the example of our fathers and mothers will inspire us or condemn us. We must show courage in a time of blessing by confronting problems instead of passing them on to future generations.

Together, we will reclaim America's schools, before ignorance and apathy claim more young lives. It is unbelievable to me that sixty percent of high school seniors don't believe in Hell. We will correct this, and instill the fear of God in our youth through the establishment of a cabinet level United States Department of Faith.

We will reform Social Security and Medicare, sparing our children from struggles we have the power to prevent. And we will reduce taxes, to recover the momentum of our economy and reward the effort and enterprise of working Americans.

We will build our defenses beyond challenge, lest weakness invite challenge. I'd particularly reccomend investments in Lockheed and Northrop-Grumman.

We will confront weapons of mass destruction, so that a new century is spared new horrors.

The enemies of liberty and our country should make no mistake: America remains engaged in the world by history and by choice, shaping a balance of power that favors freedom. We will defend our allies and our interests. We will show purpose without arrogance. We will meet aggression and bad faith with resolve and strength. And to all nations, we will speak for the values that gave our nation birth.

America, at its best, is compassionate. In the quiet of American conscience, we know that deep, persistent poverty is unworthy of our nation's promise.

And whatever our views of its cause, we can agree that children at risk are not at fault. Abandonment and abuse are not acts of God, they are failures of love - unless of course the child is the product of illegitimate union unsanctioned by God - in which case He likely has condemned them to poverty.

And the proliferation of prisons, however necessary, is no substitute for hope and order in our souls. As I take office, only 1 percent of Americans are in jail. One Percent! You and I both know there are a lot more than two million abortionists, atheists, and drug addicts. They'd better find order in their souls post haste, 'cause they're sure as hell going to find out why the proliferation of prisons is necessary.

Where there is suffering, there is duty. Americans in need are not strangers, they are citizens, not problems, but priorities. And all of us are diminished when any are hopeless.

Government has great responsibilities for public safety and public health, for civil rights and common schools. Yet compassion is the work of a nation, not just a government.

And some needs and hurts are so deep they will only respond to a mentor's touch or a pastor's prayer. Church and charity, synagogue and mosque (HA!) lend our communities their humanity, and they will have an honored place in our plans and in our laws. You hear that, you Godforsaken atheists? It's freedom of religion, not freedom from religion, and you better say your prayers or you're going to straight to lock-down!

Many in our country do not know the pain of poverty, but we can listen to those who do. We can listen to their trembling words as we cut the minimum wage, to their cries of sorrow when their jobs are moved to foreign sweatshops, and to their pitiful wailing when they go to prison, trapped in a black market economy because they've been pushed out of mainstream society. Oh, it's music to my ears, ladies and gentlemen.

And I can pledge our nation to a goal: When we see that wounded traveler on the road to Jericho, we will not pass to the other side.

America, at its best, is a place where personal responsibility is valued and expected.

Encouraging responsibility is not a search for scapegoats, it is a call to conscience. And though it requires sacrifice, it brings a deeper fulfillment. We find the fullness of life not only in options, but in commitments. And we find that children and community are the commitments that set us free.

Our public interest depends on private character, on civic duty and family bonds and basic fairness, on uncounted, unhonored acts of decency which give direction to our freedom.

Sometimes in life we are called to do great things. But as a saint of our times has said, every day we are called to do small things with great love. The most important tasks of a democracy are done by everyone, not just by the bleedling liberals who talk about doing good.

I will live and lead by these principles: to advance my convictions with civility, to pursue the corporate interest with courage, to speak for greater justice and compassion for white Republicans, to call for responsibility and try to live it as well.

In all these ways, I will bring the values of our history to the care of our times.

What you do is as important as anything government does. I ask you to seek a common good beyond your comfort; to defend needed reforms against easy attacks; to serve your nation, beginning with your neighbor. I ask you to be citizens: citizens, not spectators; citizens, not subjects; responsible citizens, building communities of service and a nation of character.

Americans are generous and strong and decent, not because we believe in ourselves, but because we hold beliefs beyond ourselves. When this spirit of citizenship is missing, no government program can replace it. When this spirit is present, no wrong can stand against it.

After the Declaration of Independence was signed, Virginia statesman John Page wrote to Thomas Jefferson: ``We know the race is not to the swift nor the battle to the strong. Do you not think an angel rides in the whirlwind and directs this storm?''

Much time has passed since Jefferson arrived for his inauguration. The years and changes accumulate. But the themes of this day he would know: our nation's grand story of courage and its simple dream of dignity.

We are not this story's author, who fills time and eternity with his purpose. Yet his purpose is achieved in our duty, and our duty is fulfilled in service to one another.

Never tiring, never yielding, never finishing, we renew that purpose today, to make our country more just and generous, to affirm the dignity of our lives and every life.

This work continues. This story goes on. And an angel still rides in the whirlwind and directs this storm.

God bless you all, God bless America, and God bless Daddy's friends

END 9:34 A.M. EST