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ARAB & MUSLIM REGISTRATION:
ATTENTION ALL MALE ARAB & MUSLIM IMMIGRANTS, STUDENTS & TOURISTS: If you have not yet reported
for mandatory interrogation and cataloguing by the Immigration & Naturalization Service, you may now opt instead to
plead your innocence by registering with the Department of Homeland Security over the Internet.
Learn More! >>
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THE TERRORIST READING LIST:
Librarians! Citizens! Be advised that terrorists are easily identified by their chosen reading material. Please study
this list of terrorist-preferred volumes - and promptly report any persons you may encounter reading them to FBI Terror
Literature specialists!
Learn More >>
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ARABIAC INTERROGATION GUIDELINES:
Peruse kinder, gentler guidelines for the non-torture of maybe-probably-terrorist trash, containing
Federally-approved techniques for keeping America safe from marauding hordes of swarthy
FREEDOM®-haters.
Learn More! >>
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THE FOREIGN CAR BUYER DATABASE:
The scene is familiar to TV-watching Americans: psychopathic and heavily armed Sand People speeding
across desert wastelands in decrepit pickup trucks. These sub-humans are "terrorists," and
their vehicles of choice are invariably foreign-made. As such, every foreign car buyer must be tracked.
Learn More! >>
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SECURING AMERICA'S BORDERS:
Learn about President Bush's genius plan to implement the "Sombrero Loophole" border security
system, thereby enabling America's corporations to enjoy plentiful, union-busting Mexican labor in
exchange for the occasional New York City skyscraper.
Learn More! >>
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OPERATION MANDATORY PATRIOTIC TATTOO:
Modeled on the ubiquitous Universal Product Code (UPC), the Subcutaneous Patriotic Intelligence Tattoo System (SPITS) acts
as both a unique identifier and a satellite-trackable global positioning device, enabling the wearer to rest easy in the
knowledge that s/he is locatable at all times.
Learn More! >>
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OPERATION TIPS ANONYMOUS LEAD FORMS:
Aspiring citizen informants are directed to make use of The
Operation Tips Anonymous Lead Form. Print out and complete as many copies as
may be required to focus the searing light of justice on every last America-hating miscreant in your community.
Learn More! >>
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White House Information:
